How do I go on a date and admit I have never been intimate with anyone? I feel so ashamed of being a virgin
I am 25 and have never had sex. I have never been in a relationship, kissed anyone or even held someone’s hand in a romantic way. It has never happened for me. I feel so much shame about this, as if I have done something wrong. When people ask me why I have never had sex, I usually reply that no one has ever expressed any interest. But I hate the fact that people can sometimes tell I am a virgin without me saying so, and wonder what it is that gives it away.
The only sexual experiences I have had, I didn’t consent to. The first time a boy saw me naked was without my consent; I have been groped in nightclubs; men have asked me for sexual favours and told me that they thought of me while masturbating. But no one has ever initiated any consensual intimacy and I suppose I have been so scared of doing it wrong that I haven’t either.
Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.
If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to [email protected] (please don’t send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions.
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