I moved my date’s hand off my breast and he took it badly. Should I have said something instead?

I thought I’d found an acceptable way to communicate what I was and wasn’t comfortable with. Would it have been better to put it into words?

On a first date recently, my usual non-verbal method of communicating what I didn’t want to do sexually was criticised and it has left me confused about how to convey consent.

This man touched my breast while we were kissing passionately. He did not ask me if that was OK beforehand. I gently moved his hand away to a place where I was comfortable being touched, and where he had previously been touching me.

Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.

If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to [email protected] (please don’t send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions.

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