My fiance fears intimacy – and we’ve only had sex twice

We live together and he says he is attracted to me, but his background has led him to be extremely repressed

I am a gay man who is engaged. We are both in our 30s, but my fiance comes from a Catholic background and is extremely sexually repressed. He says that until he met me, he had only had sex with a man once, while drunk. We live together, but he has a fear of intimacy and we’ve only had sex twice. He says he is attracted to me but can’t get past his repression. What should I do?

Changing the way your partner feels about sex and intimacy is not likely to happen soon, if ever. You could try taking some incremental steps such as introducing him to a gay Catholic priest who may be able to help him put things into perspective and relieve some of the guilt that seems to have led to well-entrenched internalised homophobia.

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