It’s normal to want to avoid confrontation, but identifying where old patterns of doubt and self-blame come from helps us to be more assertive when necessary
• Every week Annalisa Barbieri addresses a problem sent in by a reader
I have been afflicted by shame and guilt, leading to anxiety and very low self-esteem, all my life. Whenever I find myself in conflict initiated by another person, I am so overcome by guilt and the feeling that I must be in the wrong, that I cannot think clearly. This prevents me being able to work out at the time, whether I have actually done something wrong that requires me to address the issue, or that the other person is being unreasonable. It is not until I have had time to process what has happened, that I can understand what has occurred. By then, the moment has gone.
If I do try to raise an issue of potential conflict with another person, I almost always do it in writing. I find that this way I can take time to express myself clearly. But where conflict arises on the spot, this is not an option.
About Author
More Stories
My husband left me last Christmas. How do I get closure?
We didn’t make it to the Paralympics, but we still have hope: the Gazan paracyclist
Ouch! Solving the riddle of pain