Today’s hearsay is singing Jerusalem in an empty stadium
Before we turn to the daily bread of transfer rumours, we must address the elephant in the room, a bit of gossip that the entire country is talking about. According to reports this morning, Jonny Bairstow will be retained for England’s last two Ashes Tests against Australia. Bairstow, who [OK, good one, but that’s enough now, people need to hear the latest on Randal Kolo Muani to take the edge off their commute – Rumour Mill Ed] has struggled with bat and gloves since his return from a hideous leg break, has the full support of [you’re testing my patience here – ed] both Ben Stokes and Brendon McCullum.
The England captain and coach will resist calls to replace Bairstow with Surrey’s Ben Foakes, despite Foakes’s [right you little sleveen, I don’t care that it’s not 1973 and physical aggression is no longer encouraged in the workplace, if you don’t start dispensing transfer rumours within the next 10 seconds, I’ll stick the toe of these crocodile leather loafers right up your …] fundamental superiority as a gloveman.
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