My wife has no libido. Should I sleep with other people, as she suggests?

Her sex drive started to disappear after an operation, but I think an open relationship will lead to disaster. How do we reach a compromise?

My wife of 21 years has no sex drive. It has been seven months since we last had sex. Previous breaks have been up to a year. These might be interrupted by a one-off encounter or a week of almost daily occurrences. I have been faithful to her since we became exclusive; I assume the same for her.

We are both healthy and fit for our ages (mid 40s), and have two children. Her sex drive started to wane after a gynaecological surgery. In contrast, my sex drive is as high as ever. I’ve always tried to be conscious of her needs and made a significant effort for her to achieve orgasm.

Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.

If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to [email protected] (please don’t send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions.

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