Since starting training as a therapist, my husband thinks only of himself

Emotional growth should foster better balance and accountability, not avoidance of shared obligations

The question My husband and I have been together for 20 years and have two children. He worked in the corporate world, which he increasingly hated. He kept leaving and applying for different jobs, none of which worked out, and he said this was because he was constantly overlooked for promotion. Last year he left to retrain as a therapist, something I supported him in. It was agreed I’d financially support us while he trained.

Is it a normal part of both undergoing therapy or training as a therapist to become… well… self-regarding? I am finding him increasingly hard to connect with. He seems to think only about his own needs, his own feelings, and is tuned out of the needs of others. He talks of “doing a lot of work on himself”; takes long walks; plays guitar all day and goes away with his new therapy friends.

If I ask him to help around the house, he’s resentful. He never acknowledges my support, financial, emotional or practical. I wouldn’t mind a little bit of awareness of what I do. I have always been the main carer for the children and the main breadwinner. I work long hours, do most of the cooking and all of the extracurricular and household admin. I’m exhausted and overstretched. He gets annoyed if I try to talk to him about this and says I’m playing the martyr. He seems to resent my work, which is strange because it’s keeping us all afloat. He is now saying that when he qualifies, he thinks he will just do pro-bono work. I was staggered to hear this. I find being the sole earner stressful. Am I wrong to feel frustrated and overlooked by his current attitude to our lives?

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