Family feuds are a complex web of painful feelings. Talking them through requires all sides to understand the others’ hurt and where it comes from
The question I’m the eldest of three sisters; but my younger two sisters have fallen out, and haven’t spoken for more than 18 months. It’s a real downer at family events, because we used to enjoy all getting together, and now it’s one or other of them and their families but not both. It’s also really sad for them: they used to be close, they’d enjoy having days and evenings out together, but now they don’t even text one another.
The trigger for the fallout was, I guess inevitably, something to do with money and whether our parents had advantaged one with financial gifts more than the other; but I can’t help feeling there’s more to it than that, and this argument has its roots deep in their/our childhood. I think our parents should take the initiative and talk to them both about it, but they seem determined to distance themselves from it, saying my sisters are adults (clearly true – they’re both in their 40s) and that the row has nothing to do with them. It seems to me that it has everything to do with them – but I can’t force them to take it on board and talk to my sisters. Meanwhile, I feel slightly bereft: I have a good relationship with both of my sisters, and we used to do things together that I miss. It’s also annoying me that my parents are passing the buck, when I think they could make a real difference here.
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