‘I wanted to be who I was before’: how skateboarding helped me handle grief

A bad injury and the death of her much-loved grandfather left Marianne Eloise afraid to get back on her board. Here, she reveals how a weekend skate retreat helped her to move on and learn some new tricks

On the first day of a skateboarding retreat in the Sussex countryside, a 23-year-old with no fear of death turns to me and asks, “Isn’t that what skateboarding is? Nearly getting your teeth taken out and coming back for more?” We’ve just watched a passing child (almost) take a board to the face – twice – before asking to have a go. That dance, of getting hurt, but getting back up, is at the heart of the sport. It takes a particular kind of determination to take hits at the rate skateboarders do and get back up, and I’m here to find that stupid fearlessness inside myself again.

The setting is serene: deer run past, birds chirp, bugs rustle in the trees. If you can enjoy the sounds of wheels and metal crashing into wood, it’s near-meditative. It’s a world away from the noisy streets where I grew up skating just outside Leicester, or where I live now, in Brighton. The retreat, run by Sheffield-based skateboarder and gardener Danielle Gallacher, provides space for adults to escape their responsibilities and skate with a supportive community. We can also enjoy a wild spa, foraging workshops and wholesome meals. It exists at the intersection of skateboarding and wellness, a space rarely explored, but clearly desired.

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