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English pride is a complicated thing. We are, at the heart of it, a deeply embarrassing nation – colonialism, Brexit, the Royal Family, Richard Keys, your neighbour’s Christmas cheer – but are normally self-deprecating enough to get through the day without screaming into a pillow. Thankfully, there are also a few things that the English are still world leaders in. We’ve got the best plugs on the planet, seamlessly combining functionality, safety and design into three perfect prongs. There is no snack more elite than pickled onion Monster Munch. David Attenborough still smokes any other TV presenter going. Oh, and there’s the Premier League.

Sheffield United to sack their manager after a heavy defeat? Hecky thumped!” – Darren Leathley.

I do hope the footballing authorities go easy on Erling Haaland for his ‘WTF’ outburst on a social media disgrace – he was only expressing what millions of people were thinking about his inability to hit a barn door in the first half. So give the guy a break” – Christian Goldsmith.

Thirty-eight goals in 10 Premier League matches this weekend may spell fan excitement, but to me it presents a view on the poor quality of the goalkeepers we have. With Van der Sar, Cech, De Gea, Reyna, Lloris, Given, Hart, Lehmann et al, such a total would not have been the norm – 3.8 goals per match befits an inter-school trophy. Give me those hard-fought 1-0 wins or the exciting 0-0 any day over these goalfests!” – Krishna Moorthy.

Finally some stuff for us, the pedants: Hamburger SV weren’t the European champions 30 years ago (Friday’s Football Daily) but in an even more remote 1983. In 1993 they were already in a long lasting mediocrity before things got even worse and they were relegated to the 2. German tier in 2018 for the first time in their history. By the way, since you mentioned that year, in 1993 they still had some fine players like the legendary Yordan Letchkov and 6ft 6in striker Karsten ‘Air’ Bäron” – Bogdan Kotarlic (and others).

Can I be one of the 1,057 of your readers to enquire whether Christopher Waltz is in any way related to the Oscar-winning Vienna-born actor Christoph Waltz (Friday’s Football Daily)? Oh, and on the off chance there are any astronomy aficionados amongst you: To know that we know what we know, and to know that we do not know what we do not know, that is true knowledge” – David Bebb (and no others).

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