Trust your gut instinct about not having him there. The shame that is creeping in may be about pressure to conform
The question I’m a 30-year-old man who works in mental health. I’m due to get married in a few months’ time. I don’t want to invite my father. He and I have been estranged for several years. We have each other’s mobile numbers, but we don’t use them. My father has a lifelong alcohol-use disorder (AUD). He was a violent man. When I was 11, my mother managed to divorce him. Since then, we have mostly parted ways, but his side of the family still attempts to guilt-trip me into caring for him.
I have grown up, gone to college and am now enjoying my career. I have come to understand more about addiction. I don’t feel resentment towards him and tend to see this in a matter-of-fact way. I do not have any affection for this man, who happens to be my father. I have come to see him as any other person with AUD, but one who happens to have fathered me for a short period of time. (I don’t have fond memories of the time we shared in the same household.)
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