I fell in love and had an affair, should I tell my partner?

Your partner has a right to know. Then his decision on whether to stay with you will be informed, says Philippa Perry

The question I am a 49-year-old gay man and have been in a happy relationship for 10 years with a really good guy.

There has been a lot of love and trust and mutual support, and I have been happy. But about eight months ago I met a younger man, in his late 20s, and fell totally in love. We had a brief affair and then he decided to move on. I think that he never intended it to be anything more and he never led me on or pretended otherwise, but I struggle to believe it was one-sided.

Every week Philippa Perry addresses a personal problem sent in by a reader. If you would like advice from Philippa, please send your problem to [email protected]. Philippa regrets she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions.

The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did) by Philippa Perry (Penguin Books Ltd, £10.99). To support the Guardian and Observer, order your copy at guardianbookshop.com. Delivery charges may apply.

How to Stay Sane by Philippa Perry & The School of Life (Pan Macmillan, £9.99). To support the Guardian and Observer, order your copy at guardianbookshop.com. Delivery charges may apply.