I find socialising so tiring, but worry I’m missing out | Ask Philippa

Experiment with being who you are, not who you think you ought to be

The dilemma Since childhood I’ve made only a very few friends. My parents are immigrants and we were brought up in a strict, religious environment. As a teenager, I wasn’t allowed to do a lot of the things other girls at school did. If I ever pushed the boundaries set up at home, I felt guilty, so I made my own entertainment and was good at that. My husband says I’m a kind and gentle person and he’s probably my only long-term friend. I find group situations exhausting. I know how I’m “supposed” to act, but it is an act and that’s why I find it so tiring. I feel awkward in company, and I don’t drink either so I don’t have that social crutch.

I love my creative job and I work from home, so I don’t have colleagues. I like my own company. When my children were little, I socialised a bit with other parents at the school gates, that was OK, but I didn’t love it.

Every week Philippa Perry addresses a personal problem sent in by a reader. If you would like advice from Philippa, please send your problem to [email protected]. Philippa regrets she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions.