I have no children and have started to fear for my legacy. What can I do? | Ask Philippa

Legacy can be found in the lives you touch and your impact on others

The question I am a 54-year-old woman with a good career and a stable marriage. I live across the globe from my parents, my siblings and their kids and I am child-free. I have reduced contact with them to brief and polite birthday and Christmas messages, which they respond to, but we have no relationship or ongoing contact as such. It is close to estrangement, and I have no desire to try to repair this. I am child-free because I always feared repeating my family’s parenting style and had no sense of my childhood as a positive experience.

I have become preoccupied with the idea of a legacy of a life well lived. I have always placed high value on social contribution and working hard. But, as I increasingly ponder the likelihood of dying alone and without children, I have started to become quite critical about the point of striving in my career, and how and what I should be doing with my time. I feel “being forgotten” is a realistic proposition – and it leads me to wonder whether this is liberating, and I can stop striving, do as I please, or should I strive harder and find a way of leaving my mark, ensuring I have a life that will mean something? Is this just an indulgent existential crisis? Do I need to just get over myself?