I have spent my life looking after my depressive, controlling mum – can I move on? | Ask Annalisa

This is one of the most controlling mother/daughter relationships I’ve ever seen. You have done more than enough for her

Every week Annalisa Barbieri addresses a problem sent in by a reader

My mother has led a hard life. Diagnosed with clinical depression many years ago, she has made multiple “suicide attempts”, ranging from when I was aged nine to the last one 12 years ago when I was 31. I’m an only child, unmarried, and my mum did not marry after my dad left her. She did find love when I was 11, but her parents forbade her to pursue it, so she focused on her career.

Mum’s suicide attempts were often linked to control issues: a reaction to me dating or not toeing the line. When I graduated from college and moved to a different city, my mother asked me to return home on a work-from-home arrangement, and the tussles continued, with my aunt (who has not worked since her early 30s) being equally controlling. Tiring of the endless drama, I took a job in a different country and have worked here for a decade, unwillingly returning “home” once.

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