Slammed doors and avoidant behaviour have alerted me to the 18-year-old’s discomfort. How can I persuade my lover that this is a problem?
I’ve been dating a man whose 18-year-old kid lives with him full-time. My partner and I are very intimate and I always thought that I kept my cries of passion down by screaming into a pillow. Recently, his kid began slamming doors and cupboards very loudly to let us know that they had heard us. I told my partner that I felt bad, but he said he didn’t think I was being loud and that he had already explained to his kid when they chose to live with him full-time that this would happen.
I don’t have the best relationship with his kid because I very rarely spend any time with them, and they are quite introverted. What’s more, recently they were avoiding eye contact with me and seemed uncomfortable. Now, I’m afraid that I’ve made them unhappy by simply being there. I don’t spend very much time with the man I’m dating, which I think sends a signal to his kid that I’m mostly a sexual partner (I would like more but am afraid of asking for it for fear of being turned down). I want to respect his kid, but I also sense that they don’t respect me because my relationship with their father is not one of a bona fide girlfriend. What’s the best way to talk to the man I’m dating about my concerns?
Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.
If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to [email protected] (please don’t send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions.
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