I really don’t know where I want to end up. How do I figure out what I want to do? | Leading questions

Don’t let optimisation be the enemy of good, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon Smith. Endlessly chasing slightly-better can actually make things worse

How do I figure out what I want? I feel like I am good at achieving goals that I care about, but I’m hopeless at deciding what goals to pursue. I don’t know what I want and I’ve gotten increasingly anxious about it over the last five to 10 unhappy years. I’m anxious to set any goals because I feel like I’m absolutely unable to decide what to do.

I don’t like my job, it doesn’t align with my values, it’s ultimately meaningless, but it’s comfortable. I’m paralysed to make a change because I really don’t know where I want to end up, and it doesn’t feel right to risk the security I have to find more meaning in my work. I feel rudderless, encumbered and I truly don’t know how to figure out what to do. So how do most people decide what they want? Do you have any tips on how I can figure it out?

Eleanor says: “Figuring out what you want” can get easily confused with two other questions that suck up your time and deplete your energy while dangling the possibility of getting it right just out of reach.