I used to love sex. But my boyfriend’s premature ejaculation is turning me off it – and him

We’ve been together for five years, but I’m losing interest. And he won’t talk about it

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My partner of five years has problems with premature ejaculation. He gets overexcited easily and can sometimes ejaculate before any penetration. I used to have a high sex drive and love having sex, but now I dread the disappointment. He is always willing to try to satisfy me, but I find it so disappointing and I lose interest. It’s affecting how I feel about him. He gets very insecure when we talk about it, so I can’t discuss how I feel without him thinking he’s a failure.

This condition can be treated successfully by a qualified sex therapist. Your partner simply needs to realise that he could have far more pleasure by seeking help for what is a very common issue. Try a matter-of-fact approach and educate him; despite what he probably thinks, he can learn to control his moment of ejaculation and learn to last longer – for his sake as well as yours. Sex therapists’ treatment for early ejaculation usually involves exercises that, while they can be done alone, are often best carried out with a partner, so express your willingness to support him in that way. If he agrees, it will be rewarding for both of you.