I want to end my stifling marriage – but can’t bear how much hurt I’d cause | Ask Annalisa

Where did you learn that everything is your fault? If your marriage fails, you both have to take responsibility for it
Every week Annalisa Barbieri addresses a problem sent in by a reader

I am in my late 40s, married for 20 years with two teenagers, and I feel trapped. For several years I have known that I no longer love my husband. On the surface we cooperate well as parents, and get on most of the time. However, over the years we have had bitter arguments and things have been said that have left me feeling drained of love for him. There is no abuse, mainly just complacency and criticism, and a deep feeling that I am not living my life the way I need to; I feel stifled, “hemmed in” and unable to be fully myself.

I have tried to raise my feelings with my husband but he refuses to take them seriously and has vetoed couples counselling. In a few years’ time, our children may have left home and the thought of it being just the two of us fills me with dread. The voice in my head telling me to leave is getting louder, but I feel completely stuck.

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