I’m 80 and my single daughter is bullying me into childcare | Ask Philippa

Now is the time to say ‘No!’ It will feel frightening, but you must do it anyway and, with time, you will feel more confident

The question I am 80 years old. My single 50-year-old daughter has relied on me for a long time to help her with her autistic son, my grandson, now 16. Her stepfather, my husband of 40 years, has been a wonderful grandfather to him. She has lost contact with her son’s dad. The other grandparents who live close by have nothing to do with them.

Last year I had to stay at her house for three weeks while she did a course. As time went on it became clear that her course would mean she would be away on far more occasions. We sold our house in Spain so that we could be on hand even more. I found this sale stressful and my health deteriorated during that time. The completion date was to be on a day when she wanted me to be with our grandson. I told her I would have to be in Spain and she was extremely nasty, bullying me into changing the day to suit her. We had to change the documents and rush everything. We then had to dash up by car to look after my grandson.

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