My friend is struggling to assert herself with her family. Should I say something? | Leading questions

It sounds like you’re a loving friend, writes advice columnist Eleanor Gordon-Smith, and don’t underestimate how much that is already helping

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I have a close friend who I love and care about very much, who is struggling to assert herself against what her family want for her. She doesn’t know what she wants to do – career wise – but she comes from a family who have quite vocal expectations for her future, and a fairly narrow view of what counts as success.

I am lucky to have always been taught very differently, and I recognise that her family are just looking out for her, but I can see the damage it does and I want to help. I also don’t want to judge and I am of course wary of criticising people she loves. I am happy to just be a shoulder to cry on, or someone to be positive and supportive, rather than just giving the opposite lectures. But I equally want her to see that she doesn’t have to make herself do things that make her miserable just to satisfy her family. Shall I talk to her about it, or is it best to say nothing?

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