Self-care: why looking after No 1 isn’t always best for your wellbeing

A range of scientific studies point to clear physical and mental benefits of supporting friends and family. And the deeper the engagement, the greater the feelgood factor

Like many people, I find that stress transforms me into a nasty combination of Oscar the Grouch and Scrooge McDuck. The more pressure I am under, the more irritable I feel – and the less generous I become. I partly blame our culture. I’ve read enough wellness advice to know that I need to prioritise my own needs over other people’s. And so, when I feel under pressure, I have often made it a habit to practise small indulgences aimed at restoring my mental equilibrium, while insulating myself from all but the most essential social commitments.

Having read the latest psychological research, I can’t help but wonder if this attitude only exacerbates my bad mood. A wealth of new studies has shown that being kind to others is often the most effective means of suppressing the physiological and psychological stress response. Whether we are giving our time to a charity, “paying it forward” in a coffee shop, or providing emotional succour to a friend in need, altruism can boost our wellbeing in ways that we simply do not experience from treating ourselves. Other-care, it seems, is often one of the best forms of self-care.