Want to find fulfilment? Here’s what two years as an agony aunt has taught me

Philippa Perry, psychotherapist and writer of the Observer’s hugely popular problem page, shares what she’s learned about our search for contentment

Thanks to my column in this magazine, I get a lot of questions from members of the public and, while they are all about different subjects, I have noticed that many of them are about the same thing – a lack of fulfilment in life and how to find it. And, although each letter is very personal and specific, I think that, from such very specific questions, I can pan out and find in the answer certain universal principles that may be relevant to all of us who are searching for fulfilment. These, then, are the principles of finding fulfilment that I have gleaned from the past two years as the Observer’s agony aunt. The following is an excerpt from my new book, The Book You Want Everyone You Love to Read.

Often we make decisions in life based on two main things: how things feel on the inside and, in contrast, how things look to ourselves and others on the outside. I call it internal and external referencing. Sometimes these two drivers can be at odds with each other. To find fulfilment, you need to internally reference how you feel more than you need to externally reference how things merely appear – even if they look worthy.

Continue reading…

About Author